There is no distraction.

I walked inside towards darkness. I turned the light on to the right of the doorway as soon as I entered. There is something about a dim room that I have always liked. I sat down in my chair in the corner of the room. I felt overwhelmed. I didn’t know what caused it, but it was familiar. Emotions, sometimes, are easily forgotten when we can find a distraction, but once the involvement you construct with yourself becomes too complex, there is no distraction that can take you away from those emotions, so I just sit and feel it. It has become so common.

The wall I stared at was covered with old photographs that I found in some old shops, scenery mostly. The other walls were bare. I began to like them like that. There was an old photograph of a place I didn’t recognize, but there were flowers everywhere. The sky was a dark orange and the sun was almost gone. The flowers were colorful and bright against the darkening sky. As I stared at it, I saw myself on those nights I spent under dimming skies, feeling the vitality of the world around me, but somehow I knew I wasn’t missing anything. It doesn’t always feel like that. The next photograph was of the desert. Light and dark shades of beige and brown. I think I chose that photograph because of its calming nature, as it hung to the right of the bundle of flowers. Below those two photographs, was a photograph of a dark room. It looked like a cabin. Dark brown curtains covered the windows and the floor was made of dark brown wood. There was nothing else in the room. I have always liked the idea of living in a cabin in the forest somewhere; spending my nights sitting on the porch as the rain fell from the sky, listening to the sounds of nature as it embraced me in its habitation. I wondered if I was to slip away from the world I occupied, where nature was the separation I was constantly chasing, and constantly needing, would I be able to distinguish it then - the need for separation. The last picture I stared at was that black and white photograph of Marilyn Monroe. I wondered how she felt sitting there in that empty room.