The commandment of separation.

I wasn’t supposed to end up alone, but I don’t have any doubt that it was right. Everything happens for a reason. I think, as a child, I grew up thinking that I was someone else and it took certain life experiences to take me away from myself so that I could really see who I was from the outside. I began to take parts of myself away as I began to notice them, until there was nothing left. This is what alone feels like. It is not the absence of others, but the absence of one’s self. I would not try to rebuild anything, however, because once it is gone, there is nothing to put back. It is gone for a reason. It wasn’t meant to be there to begin with. I let it go because it was the right thing to do.

I arrived back at home. I felt nothing new, but I wasn’t supposed to. I often questioned things that I knew I already had an answer for, but the questions kept arising. That was an empty house and I was alone, but there was so much noise. I felt like I was constantly becoming involved with the world, but when I stopped to look around, there was nothing there. Nothing there but a quiet commotion. I don’t know how it always began, it just did. I then find myself obeying the commandment of separation from where I am and what is physical.